Re-read my earlier posts. Worth repeating here:
HEALING STARTS WITH A WISH TO GET BETTER!
And - healing happens on the road of taking care of oneself!
To wish is crucial yet not enough - to act is to build a living muscle.
And then there is another vital component to the process - SUPPORT.
Stumble upon a wish to get better, start taking care of yourself no matter how small is that care, look for support and go for it. It might be a dead end you are exploring, but the fact that you did will build your strength. Let your pain make you stronger!